So tired

I feel like my life has been a game of catch up for the past 9 years. Always in debt, always working to catch up and never get ahead. I’m still working 2 jobs. 40 hours a week and an additional 48 hours a month. The second job is so that we can take family vacations. I try to focus on that when I’m absolutely exhausted. I’m going on a 4 day weekend with a girlfriend to Cincinnati in 2 weeks, so that is my focus now. After that? No vacation plans until August of next year. It may be a long haul.

I often wonder what it’s like for people who work hard and come home and relax and are able to buy things they want and travel nice places and not worry about where the money is going to come from. I worry about this every single month. Occasionally every single day.

I know some of my fatigue is from not taking care of myself, and I hate the fact that I come home and just want to sit my ass on the sofa all night and do NOTHING. Baseball is over in a few days. I need to start doing SOMETHING. I’m tired of being tired. But seemingly until I win the lottery I will continue to work myself to death just so we can have 2 weeks a year of fun times as a family. I wish my husband would be a bit more adventurous and try for a higher paying job to take some of the stress off me, but since he hasn’t in the past 10 years, why would he do it now?

So I’ll keep working and drinking caffeine.